A New Goal

I admit it. I never gave him a chance. Having to work on Chapel days, I downloaded Dr. Charles Roesell’s message and started listening to it. I had never heard of him nor his credentials and within the first few sentences I had checked out mentally. “I’m sure this old feller is a nice man, but what relevance can he have for mostly 20 something future pastors and church leaders? He may have met Moses face to face, but now even his jokes seem stale, and what’s with all the alliteration?” Pride, pride, pride. (Didn’t someone write a book about that?) Praise the Lord, I was snatched from that pit when he began talking about the disciples’ response to the hungry crowds, “Yes, they’re in need…let’s send them away. And that’s the response of so many modern churches.” Yikes, that’s some insight. Another devastating blow came when he said, “The early church was known for its poverty and power. The modern church for its wealth and weakness.” Yes, our churches could go right on doing what they’re doing if God never existed. But the real kicker was when he responded to the question, “Why Leesburg, and why you? God wanted the most ordinary place and the most ordinary preacher so people would know it’s a God thing. It is not a man thing.”
Well, as moved as I was by this message I still made the wrong application. Driving home with my wife Saturday night and thinking about his “Ministry Village” I said, “I wish I had a longing for something specific. You know, a driving passion for that one thing that I new God wanted me to do. Then I could just focus all my energy on that and I wouldn’t be wondering and half-heartedly pursuing many goals.” My wife calmly responded, “I think we’re supposed to pursue God.” …Well…yeah…but…you know… um…ok…that’s something. “As the deer pants for the water…” And as I thought about that (didn’t someone also write a book about Pursuing God?) I quietly doubted. Yes, but while I’m pursuing God who is going to pay the bills? Then another verse came to mind, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (food, clothes, etc.) will be added to you.” Yes! Yes!! That makes sense. I can pursue God with all my heart and strength. That’s something I can do that right now. Then my wife added, “I think if we purse God, then we’ll just kinda live into what we’re supposed to be doing.” Amen. Who is this woman? I was caught with a renewed passion and focus. I’ve taught this to many people over the years, but maybe I’ve never stared down the barrel of an empty checking account. So now it’s personal. And it’s exciting. So here’s to being more concerned with God than with what God may or may not have for my future.

Don't waste your trapdoor

There are many famous trapdoors in the world. Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre had two that delivered actors up from “Hell” and onto the stage. Palais Garnier, the great Paris Opera House, is said to have many that were used by the infamous Opera Ghost. My old tree house had one that was perfect for escaping robbers and monsters when they broke through all of my defensive barriers. God’s will for my life has been like a trapdoor. I’m walking along, when out of nowhere, fwoop, “Ok, Lord, I guess I’ll go this way now.”
This began when I was 10 and my parents divorced. At the same time Saddam invaded Kuwait and my dad was in the National Guard. Not only had my family split, but I was sure my dad was going oversees never to be seen again. Sometimes divorce brings out the reflective side of people and my father encouraged me to read the Bible when I was sad. He suggested reading Samuel. I misunderstood and read Song of Solomon. So, being utterly confused and slightly turned on, I flipped to the front of my Gideon Bible and found where it said to read for “Love.” Trapdoor one: fwoop-start reading Bible. I memorized 1Cor. 13, then chapter 14, and may have kept on going had we not started going to church. Trapdoor two: fwoop-attend Bible church and on one January Sunday after no remarkable sermon respond to invitation accepting Jesus as my Savior. My trapdoor filled with light.
We moved and stopped going to church. Dad never got called up. Three years later I, fwoop-join a diving team, meet a girl, and go to her church. This little Bible church was where much of my Spiritual foundation was laid. It was at a retreat with this youth group that I heard Mike Manor speak and ask a group of 500 teenagers if any of them felt called into full time Christian service. Fwoop-my hand goes up. I pray with a fella and he reads 1 Cor. 15:58 “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
Armed with a verse and desire to serve the Lord I follow that girl to Pensacola Christian College. Fwoop, we broke up. Ah, well. I’m a Pastoral Ministries major and Missions minor-nope Math minor-nope Speech minor. After three years I look around and notice—I don’t fit in with these preacher boys. I don’t want to be an angry fundamentalist. Someone gives me a copy of Desiring God, fwoop, now I’m a Calvinist. Fwoop, switch my major and minor, now I’m a Speech/ Theatre major, Bible minor. (Hey, who’s that beautiful girl in my speech class? Her name is Kelly.) I stay and get a Masters in Interpretive Speech, and marry Kelly. Fwoop-I’m teaching high school and college classes at PCC. Fwoop-I’m a Youth Pastor in North Carolina for 4 years. Youth Pastor? That can’t be right. Fwoop-I’m at seminary finding out what in the world I’m supposed to be.
Through all of this I’ve not felt discouraged about our trapdoor relationship. Being a superb procrastinator, what good would it do to know ahead of time? And I understand that God’s will for my life is much more than jobs and circumstances. It is holiness, purity, conformity to Christ, fellowship with Him. So I'll keep traveling this road until I reach that country of which He will tell me.

Death at 28

He died at 28, the same age I am right now. His plan for his life and God's plan didn't seem to match. He was kicked out of school, denied a licence, and often in trouble with authority. He never married, had kids, nor wielded much influence. He was often sick, depressed, and lonely. Yet his legacy of faith has endured almost 300 years. His diary has never been out of print and through it countless men and women have been encouraged to take the gospel to hard places. He was David Brainerd, missionary to the American Indians, and he didn't waste his life.

"My heaven os to please God, and to glorify Him...I do not go to heaven to be advanced, but to give honor to God...Had I a thousand souls...I would give them all to God; but I have nothing to give, when all is done. It is a great comfort to me to think that I have done a little for God in the world. Oh! it is but a very small matter; yet I have done a little. I lament it that I have not done more for Him. There is nothing in the world worht living for but doing good and finishing God's work, doing the work that Christ did."

My wife and I stood at his grave and prayed that we might be like him as he was like Christ.

Beginnings

Escaping the world of xanga, this shall be an attempt to blog for the glory of God. May He be pleased.